Friday, October 25, 2002

Senator Paul Wellstone 1944-2002

May the God of Peace grant you peace with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

A good name is better than perfume, and the day of death than the day of birth.

-Ecclesiastes 7:1

Thursday, October 24, 2002

UPDATE: New York Times endorses Liz Kreuger (D) for the NYS Senate.

Go Senator Liz Go!
The New Republic's Blog, &c, speculates that Tom Golisano (I) could be elected guv of NY. While I don't think that is going to happen I like the idea of a billionaire gov and a billionaire mayor at the same time. Sort of balances things out.

Oy veh.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

George Herbert Walker Bush: Well, did you meet George W.?

Yale Admissions Officer #1: Oh yes. He made light of my weight problem, then suggested my motto should be "semper fudge." At that point he told me to "relax."

GHWB: How were his test scores?

Yale Admissions Officer #2: Let's just say this...he spelled Yale with a 6.

GHWB: I see. Well, I...ooh, you know, I just remembered, it's time for my annual donation. I wonder how much I should give.

YAO #1: Well, frankly, test scores like George W.'s would call for a very generous contribution. For example, a score of 400 would require a donation of new football uniforms, 300, a new dormitory, and in George W.'s case...we would need an international airport.

YAO #2: Yale could use an international airport, Rep. Bush.

GHWB: Are you mad? I'm not made of airports! Get out! Summon my son at once.

James A. Baker: Uh, it appears he's gone drinking sir...

Monday, October 21, 2002

Just read this over at TBogg: the Libertarian nominee for the Senate in Montana, Stan Jones, stated that he would serve as a Republican if elected. Since the withdrawal of Mike "Is he or isn't he? Only his hairdresser knows for sure..." Taylor, the Repulican candidate due to an ad which implied he was gay, the incumbeny, Sen. Baucus (D) has been unnoposed.

I think TBogg's post is right on the money. If Stan the Man picks up all of Taylor's support he will still lose in a landslide. My only complaint is that Mr. T neglected to mentioned the one thing all of Montana, nay, America, should know about Stan Jones.

Stan Jones is blue. [Click to see!]

And by that I don't mean clinically depressed.

In his preparations for the year 2000, Mr. Jones, concerned that anti-biotics wouldn't do the job against third-millenia infectuous agents began ingesting colloidal silver. I can't quite tell you if it worked, although he is hale and hearty enough to run for the Senate.

And now the bad news. The Side-Effect.

The colloidal silver turned his skin blue.

Papa Smurf for the U.S. Senate!

Sunday, October 20, 2002

My State Senator, a very nice person named Liz Kreuger, is being challenged by a loathsome fellow named Andrew Eristoff, a Guiliani protege. Because she voted against some bill which, of which one small part mandated HIV-tests for rapists, this Eristoff toad is accusing her of being pro-rapist.

Senator Liz has only been in office for a few months. She was elected in a special election because the last senator, a liberal republican named Roy Goodman (in office so long, he was called the Dean of the NY State Senate), retired to become NYC's U.N. Commisioner.

The strange thing is that Roy Goodman also voted against this bill, time and time again, but you'd never know that from Eristoff's ads and tv commercials.

ADDENDUM: Coverage of this race in today's New York Times.
Slightly peeved that blogger doesn't really work with Opera 6.12. I don't hate MSIE, but Opera is much easier to use, and faster to boot. I keep trying to navigate with Opera gestures and screwing up.

Alas, alack.
The following is a fiction…

To: All members of the Lobbying Department
From: William Clay Ford
Re: Reorganization

Please clear out your desks by five pm.

The reason for this directive is that all of you have failed to do your jobs with any competence. All government relations between Ford Motor Company and the government will now be handled by the National Rifle Association. They are much better at this sort of thing than you are, or, I should say, you were.

I was talking with my chauffeur last week and he was complaining about the long wait at the DMV last week when he went to register my new limo. And then it hit me: Why in the world do we have to register our cars with the government?

Later that day I was on the phone with Wayne LaPierre and he shared my outrage. “Car registration,” he told me, “Is the first step on the slippery path to car confiscation.” I was floored.

The Car/Gun comparison is instructive, and it clearly shows that while the gun manufacturers have been having it easy, auto makers such as this fine company have been the government’s whipping boys for far to long.

Gun makers don’t have to have their products scrutinized by the CPSC. Many states are making it impossible for their citizens to sue gun makers. Gun makers are successfully resisting ballistic fingerprinting plans.

On the contrary, our products have to pass rigorous safety standards; we are sued time and time again, sometimes successfully; every car has to have a VIN, and a damn license plate. If a gun had a license plate the government would know exactly where to look for it if, and when, they wanted to seize it.

We’re getting the screw, people, and the time has come to make some big changes. You will not be missed.
As a rule the words “President Bush” don’t cross my lips, unless I’m refering to Poppy. Some of my preferred euphemisms follow, and NO, I’m not trying to take credit for them, I just like them.

Spurious George

Resident Bush

pResident Bush

White House Occupant George W. Bush

Former Texas Governor George W. Bush

His Fraudulency (first tacked onto Rutherford B. Hays)

President de facto George W. Bush

The Hand Puppet

The Man Who Ran Sammy Sosa out of Texas

e-mail me what you call him, and I’ll add them to my list.
Lots to read in the Sunday Times, especially the Magazine. An article by Krugman and a profile of Gen. Rove. I love it when Buch supporters say the admire the Dubya because he isn't poll driven like Clinton was. The last line of Bai's article:

And yet I knew that Rove had other things on his mind too. He was headed to Austin for a round of meetings, and one of them, it turned out, was with his pollster.